How to get back the confidence you lost in 2020.

Normal life is hard. Life in 2020- impossible.

We have been challenged in the strangest of ways this year. Beyond the regular emotional, professional, romantic, and fiscal challenges that we assign ourselves daily, weekly or yearly- we have come to expect the worst on a regular basis. Our normal agenda, our normal growth trajectory, has been interrupted by not only a pandemic, but sick family members, dead bodies in freezers, UFOs, killer wasps, helicopter crashes, giant explosions, raids, riots and just about everything in between. I’m just waiting around for the zombie apocalypse to start. When your nervous system and emotional database has come to expect continuous trauma, you no longer know how to gauge your personal growth. You are constantly measuring the status of your mental health based on the events of the day instead of your own inward alignment with your mind and your desires.

Naturally the state of 2020, through a continuous stream of, well- total shit, has shaken our ability as humans to communicate how we normally would, and feel normal as well. It’s only natural for your confidence to feel diminished during a time when it can’t be exercised, expressed, or even challenged as it regularly would. Everyone is feeling a little less like themselves these days. Strong humans have become fragile, what was once seemingly solid has become breakable, and everyone is in a constant state of purgatory. It is the upside down in real life.

The good news is that as we approach a new year, that cute little one that will attach itself onto our horrific 2020 represents more than just a new year. It represents a literal new beginning. We are very close to a positive shift in our reality. Nothing will be 100% back to how it was before the pandemic, but life will begin to shift towards a normalization that we can be optimistic about. This is the start to your new found confidence. The little one on the end of 2021 is representative of a timestamp of hope. We can all begin to build ourselves back up to prepare for real life again.

On your path back to normalcy there are steps you can take to ensure that you are being kind to yourself during this process of gaining back your confidence. Weaving your way towards your best and most genuine self, and having the true capability of utilizing your inner confidence on a regular basis.

Communicating positively to yourself:

There are going to be bumps in the road during the transition back to “normal”. Tell yourself that now. Do not be derailed by these bumps. They will only solidify your conviction and the strength that you have to deal with future bumps, future challenges. Make sure within the moments that your confidence is challenged that you have positive conversations about this with yourself. Recognize the fact that your confidence is not where it could/should be. “You’re not feeling 100% today, you don’t feel the most confident as we walk towards this challenge, but that is O.K. You are human. I deserve to be more confident, I want to step into my full confidence potential, and I am going to allow myself to do that with kindness.”

Remember that key term “It is O.K.” It is O.K. to be where you are, and exist outside of perfection. You know that you are walking towards a better you, so take it one step at a time.

Draft baseline goals:

There is a lot of talk about bullet journaling these days. That’s great for those who have minds that work in that way, but it’s best when building something up from the core that you start with your baseline. What is it that you want to achieve and why? Simple as that.

For example: a) You want more confidence so that you can go out into the world after the pandemic and get a new job.

b) Why? Because you realized during lockdown that that will bring you more genuine joy.

And that’s it. No bullet journaling for now.

Then in order to determine how you are going to get there you define your approach with key affirmations (reminders) to get back the confidence or gain the confidence that you need in order to walk and exist in our new world.

Have a go-to “struggle” affirmation:

Have you ever heard the term “struggle bus”? Well if you find yourself on one, have an affirmation ready to turn to that will give you the reminder, the boost that you need, to keep moving forward.

For example: “You are a badass human, and you can do this. You deserve everything that is coming to you. Keep moving forward. It will all be O.K.”

Don’t stand in your own way:

You alone hold the power to build your confidence just as you have the power to break it down. Don’t allow yourself to stand in your own way. When you think negatively- affirmation. When you doubt yourself- affirmation. Start speaking to yourself inwardly and communicating in a reassuring tone. Remove negative vernaculars from your conscious vocabulary.

Call someone who isn’t your therapist:

We all need a support system. Not only for an ear and maybe an opinion but for validation that we are understood and loved. Reassurance and confidence comes from within, but support from others will only help your self understanding grow and flourish as you allow yourself to be heard through those close to you.

But also- call your therapist:

Understand that whilst we all need a support system your friends and family are not your therapist. So while they can support you and your growth, possibly reassuring your movement, they can only do so much. In times of extreme struggle a friend is love and support, but a therapist is professional help.

Remember the 1, the light at the end of the tunnel:

Lastly, in terms of this shit-of-a-year: 2020, remember we are almost at the finish line. Allow that to propel you. Yes, we still have a ways to go but there is an end in site and you are building yourself back up for a reason. Don’t allow the noise over the next few months(political, vaccine, economic stresses) get in the way of you staying focused. Remember that you are a living, breathing human being and you deserve every ounce of good in the world. Step one is building your confidence so that you can navigate through the rest of it with all of the tools you could encompass.

Moving forward. Your confidence has inward effects on your goals, both emotionally and concretely. It also affects the way in which you approach your goals, and your outward communication to the world. In the new year we are all going to have to navigate around a new world in new ways. By making sure that we are aligned with our confidence we are ensuring a more sound, secure, and happy existence. Ultimately isn’t that what we all want? Moving forward in life, against adversity, or just a regular day, with our best foot forward.

As we walk towards a new world, get ready for that date, job interview, uncomfortable conversation, or professional confrontation, we will be well prepared with the confidence to do so. Remember that those conversations start with yourself, and you alone live with the human that you present to yourself and the world every day. Walk forward, out of the upside down, with the confidence to take on the world.

It will all be OK, Oni~

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