On New Year's day I woke up to the sound of my puppy licking the face of one of my friends. (a member of my NYC quarantine pod) She stretched and yawned on my giant grey couch as Bailey proceeded to hop on her in excitement. It was cloudy, and dim, almost as if the world wasn't quite ready to welcome a new year, unsure and unsettled from the year before. As I breathed in the hot espresso I was making from the Cuban coffee shop down the St. I dragged my finger hesitantly across my phone scanning my emails for anything noteworthy.
I quickly noticed that I had an email from- myself. Not only an email from myself but an email from my website nonetheless. My heart dropped a little as I ran to open my laptop, scanning through the dark web of my google searches only to find out that my entire gmail database, anyone that had ever emailed me had been spammed by my website. Great. My brain quickly realized that my CEO, my boss, my gynecologist, all my ex bfs, people I haven't talked to in 15 years, recruiters, were all on this list. Then it dawned on me. That is literally life. Through all of the hard work, all your best attempts to put goodness out into the world in whatever form you see fit, life will be there to remind you that you really have no control. You can only put intentions forward, but the world will do the rest. Things go unexpectedly, none of us are perfect, and that's life- beautiful, frustrating, and ever growing. All of the discomforts, all of the things that go awry, just lead us to the lessons we need to learn. Just leads us to the things we really need. And in that moment, after I stopped sweating from nervousness and had some caffeine, I realized one of the intentions that I needed to walk into 2021 with: Imperfection. Allowing myself to mess up, allowing myself to not always "be on", giving myself the space to be comfortable with errors in new endeavours. After all, none of us are perfect. There is only growth to come from mistakes, and more mistakes to come with any kind of growth- professional, personal or otherwise. Wouldn't life be so much easier, especially in the middle of a pandemic, if we allowed ourselves more room to be human? So I hope that as we walk towards what I can only imagine will have to be a better year than 2020 - no jinxes over here - let's proceed with kindness. Kindness toward others but most importantly kindness towards ourselves. It will all be OK, Oni~